We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
