It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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