Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
how drunk are you?
Several
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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