So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
