I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
