my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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