Im at strip club and am horny
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
its not stalking. its research.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
