I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
