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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
