apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
