imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
