You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
