I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm having to shit out rocks
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
