Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
