i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
