one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
