goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
