the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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