You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
