apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What a dumb baby whore.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
