Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
