so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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