You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize