Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
