omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
