Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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