her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
