There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
