u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
