Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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