Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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