Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
