Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
