We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
