Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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