Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
