if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
