my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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