I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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