About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
