She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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