It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
