I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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