VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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