It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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