you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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