That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
