I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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