You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize