I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
