I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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