Your tits are I can't wait for
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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