So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
