I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
