I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
