and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
