i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I love you. Go after that dick
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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