i just sent this text using only my big toe
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
