i would punch a child for taco bell
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
