I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
