...so i touched it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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