I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
only you would photoshop your dick
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
