I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
