So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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