you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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