so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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