Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
