If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm both gender and math confused
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
