hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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