I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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