people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
someone owes me an orgasm
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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