Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
